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经典:英语四六级写作典型错误精彩点评

  例3.(8分段)
Women are playing an increasingly important part in society today. Many Women today are playing an important part at works that was thought only could be done by the men before. For an example. Some women are not secrtary in the office, instead, they become manager of a company.



With the changes in their social role, women’s position in the family has been improved as well. In the world today, more and more women have their own job. They get their own salary, and become more independent from their husband. With the economic situation improved, their family position is improving.

In spite of these changes, the liberation of women has not been completely realized. Many husbands only want his wife to stay at home, and do house works or do some shopping. They only want their wife to be a housewife, but not a manager of a company.

  东方教育点评:基本切题。有些地方表达思想不够清楚,文字勉强连贯;语言错误相当多,其中有一些是严重错误。具体问题剖析:
  (1)论证不够深入,缺少事例,缺少说服力。
  (2)文字缺连贯、且显累赘,如第二段可以把各句再改得简练一点并矣惺实钡淖写省?BR>  (3)语言错误相当多,如“For an example”,“Some women are not secrtary in the office, instead, they become manager of a company.”应改为“Some women are on longer secretaries in the office, instead, they become managers of the companies.”(单复数)

  例4.(11分段)
Women are playing an increasingly important part in society today. More and more women go to work to earn money instead of keeping the house or looking after the children. Women have entered many fields of society including scientific field. As we know, many women sports teams have won the world’s champions such as Chinese women’s Volleyball Team.

With the changes in their social role, women’s position in the family has been improved as well. Husbands are not the masters of wives in many places. Husbands and wives are equal now. They join together to overcome difficulties and share happiness.

In spite of these changes, the liberation of women has not been completely realized. Also in some places. Women are considered being “thing” belong to men. They have little chance to find jobs. They don’t get equal pay for equal job. This is a problem must be solved not only by society but also by women themselves.

  东方教育点评:切题。表达思想清楚,文字连贯,用词比较准确,但有少量语言错误,如“Also in some places. Women are considered being “thing” belong to men保Ω奈癆lso in some places,women are considered being the “things”that belong to men”

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王江涛老师
在线名师:王江涛老师
  北京新东方学校国内考试部资深教师,北京大学硕士,曾任职于国...[详细]
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