范文

　　More and more young people are increasingly influenced by foreign culture. As can be clearly seen from the above picture, a young gentleman puts “Beckham” on his face. Another decently dressed young gentleman is willing to pay 300 yuan to have his hair made in his favorite style. It is clear that the picture implies a common phenomenon in our society today: more and more people, especially the young, are endlessly chasing popular things, disregarding the cost that they must pay.

　　There are at least three good reasons for this phenomenon. In the first place, the spreading of foreign culture in our country in recent years may be the main reason. Secondly, many young people in our modern society have an open mind. Consequently, they are willing to accept new things. Last but not least, a lot of people have become richer and richer. As a result, they can pay for the expense to do that kind of things. There may be other reasons for it, but it is generally believed that the above mentioned reasons are commonly acceptable.

　　As far as I am concerned, the spreading of foreign culture in our society is not a bad thing. But as a popular saying goes, every thing has two sides. This phenomenon is without exception. My suggestion as to the best way to cope with the problem is as follows. On the one hand, people should take a proper attitude toward this phenomenon. On the other hand, our society is expected to appeal to the general public to resist its bad effect. I am sure that my opinion is both sound and well-grounded.

　　本文的得分是18分，因为它基本符合20-17分的评分标准：

　　1.包括了问题中的三个要点：

　　第一段，描述图画;第二段，阐述图画含义;第三段，提出建议措施。

　　2.结构规范清晰

　　图画作文一般写三段，各段的内容分配上面已经阐述。这是大的结构安排。本文做到了这一点。具体到各段，还有小结构的安排问题。例如，在第一段中，如果涉及的图画有两幅，每幅图至少用一句话描述。本文就是这么做的：

　　As can be clearly seen from the above picture, a young gentleman puts “Beckham” on his face. Another decently dressed young gentleman is willing to pay 300 yuan to have his hair made in his favorite style.

　　在第二段中，一般根据题目的提纲的提示，要么阐述一段所说的现象的原因，通常写2-3条，要么举例说明图画所反映的问题。在本文的第二段，考生在首句交代本段要从三个方面阐述原因：There are at least three good reasons for this phenomenon，接下来以三个关联词提示三个原因：In the first place…Secondly…Last but not least…。

　　在最后一段中，考生明确告诉阅卷老师自己提出了建议措施：My suggestion as to the best way to cope with the problem is as follows. On the one hand…On the other hand…。

　　三.用词准确、句子结构有变化

　　像disregard (第一段末)、cope with(末段中间)与 appeal to(末段倒数第二句)等词与词组的使用表明考生的用词比较准确。与此同时，像被动语态、形式主语、各种复合句的使用也说明考生的句子结构不单调。

　　除了上面的优点，范文也有一些不足之处，使它被扣掉2分。最严重的问题是：第二段的三点理由其实只是两点，因为第二点 “Secondly, many young people in our modern society have an open mind. Consequently, they are willing to accept new things.” 仅仅是对第一点的具体说明，而非与第一点相并列的另一点。

　　综上所述，一篇高分大作文既要注意整体结构上的完整与规范，如包含提纲中的全部要点，又要注意微观上，即段落内部结构的完整。

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