上海新东方：2009年1月考研英语作文点评

　　考研是改变人生的拼搏。为了准备这场拼搏，很多同学在题海中度过无数个不眠之夜。其实，如果能够掌握规律，考试原来不像想象的那样难，改变人生的拼搏原来可以赢得比较轻松。

　　就拿今年的考研英语来讲，其中的写作部分就很好准备：假如你听过上海新东方学校汪海涛老师的课，你就会惊喜地发现这正是他命中的原题!假如你背过汪老师讲义中的范文，你就会毫不意外的拿到大作文满分 - 这样的文章不可能有考生能够临场写出!

　　同样作为上海新东方的考研写作教师，我曾在考试之前我再三向同学强调：今年大作文几乎不可能再像前两年一样考"Statement of a Truth"类文章，不出意外肯定考 "现象分析"!并且在我第一节课让大家认真准备的题目里，就包括下面这幅漫画：

　　现代人的交流时尚 --- 从来不和邻居说话，却热衷于网上聊天"，这幅漫画的寓意和今年考试的漫画完全相同。那么拿到这样的题目应该如何写出一篇高分作文?下面我们就通过赏析汪海涛老师的文章，学习在这种文章中我们可以采取哪些应对手段：

　　The past decade has witnessed an increasingly inseparable relationship between man and Internet. As is vividly depicted in the picture, within a stretching spider web many people are surfing on line, either to entertain themselves or to meet the work's needs. Actually on-line visiting has become a routine activity in our everyday life. However, it seems rather ironic to present people separated from each other by the spider web when they attempt to communicate.

　　首先看开头段。背景介绍是开头段的常见写法。提到背景介绍，有些同学还停留在"With the development of modern society..."的水平上，这种表达方式属于典型的陈词滥调会引起不少阅卷人的反感。本文通过witness这个动词写出一个以时间作主语的经典句型。第二句以As is vividly depicted in the picture引出对图画的描写，这样就缩小了话题，为下文的讨论引出有源之水。段中actually, however 和either... or等连词的使用使整个段落既联成一体又跌宕起伏。本段前面三句的背景介绍和图画描写起到引出主题的作用(topic introducer)。 However转折句中rather ironic 明确表明作者对这种现象的立场，开宗明义，旗帜鲜明，可以看作全文中心思想句(theme)。

　　The metaphoric and impressive portrayal has subtly revealed the duality of the relationship between man and Internet. The spider web undoubtedly serves as a symbol of Internet, both connecting people and isolating them from each other. On the one hand, there is no denying that Internet is currently one of the most efficient media used for interpersonal communication. As a college student, I get on line everyday to discuss news with other people on BBS, to study English by registering for web courses, to chat freely through e-mails with my friends. Being a veteran on-line shopper, I frequently bargain with sellers to purchase books at much lower prices. But on the other hand, a good many people admit that they are too much addicted to Internet to maintain face-to-face contact with their friends and colleagues. Cyber-living resembles the experience of seeing disguised people behind a mask, maintaining distance between one another. Once indulged in the fictitious world, people feel reluctant to approach others and to concentrate on real life. That's why some people have lost the skill of direct contact and get alienated from others.

　　主体段中，作者用reveal一词再次点题。第二句both connecting people and isolating them from each other 进一步点明主题，这是本段主题句，它明确告诉读者下文将要分析这种现象的正反两方面影响。On the one hand引出网络的正面影响。为了证明自己的观点，作者举自己为例 - 这样的例子特别有说服力。举例可详可略，这里特别值得考生学习的是作者用了三个动词不定式的排比结构to discuss news with other people on BBS, to study English by registering for web courses, to chat freely through e-mails with my friends既避免了笼统抽象又使行文流畅读起来一气呵成。On the other hand 之后作者提出这种现象的负面影响，这样正反论述客观全面切合了命题中 "近"与"远"的题意。这一部分中，the experience of seeing disguised people behind a mask, maintaining distance between one another句中动名词的排比结构在给读者一种整齐美的同时透出了变化。为了这种变化美，作者还有意识不停改变句子开头的方式，如Being a veteran on-line shopper句用现在分词起句，而Once indulged in the fictitious world句则用连词+过去分词起句。这些都是为了"文贵多变"的目的。

　　Therefore, it is necessary for us to use Internet in a reasonable way and restrain from addiction. After all, Internet is invented to connect you and me, and to bring conveniences to our life rather than set a barrier to keep people beyond reach.

　　两段华美的comment之后，文章逐渐收拢渐趋平实。结尾段主要是提建议(suggestion and solution)。it is necessary for us 就是一个很实用的建议句型。然后，作者用After all转变笔锋，进一步提出自己的这种现象的final evaluation。其中rather than 结构不仅用了比喻的修辞手段而且再次切合了题意中的"近"与"远"。可以说全文紧扣题旨，收放自如。全文思路清晰，但自然流畅没有目前市面应试作文中令人生恶的"模版"味。全文用词典雅庄重、句式轻灵多变，这些都是值得考生学习的大家风范。

　　题海信有舟，只度有心人!

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